If you are my friend on Facebook you may have heard this story already. If not, today is your day. May you laugh.
// Last night //
Last night I went to a dimly lit house party with a friend. I introduced myself to someone I thought I didn’t know. After a very awkward handshake, you know, the one where something terrible happens to the universe which causes you to grab one finger instead of all five, I realize it is a former employee. She put on so much weight since I fired her that she is unrecognizable. Shoot. I decide a quick escape is the best way to put us both out of our misery. I make a beeline for the kitchen where I run into a guy in a wheelchair. He is a small man and I caught him staring at me earlier in the night. He is wearing a trucker hat and a jean jacket, both of which are bedazzled with brightly colored decals. He believes himself to be funny; the rest of us aren’t so convinced. Being a quirky man, it doesn’t surprise me when he starts talking to me in a low whisper, like we are secret agents. I don’t even flinch when he and I and four other people suddenly morph into Star Wars characters and jet off to the train station to save the world. Naturally, my only question during this chain of events is ‘Where is Han Solo?!’
That’s when I realized I have to stop eating pizza before bed.